"How I Quit Smoking Cigarettes, Forever” In the Spirit of Awareness
- Donna L Holloman
- Dec 17, 2017
- 13 min read
To recap from “. . . To Embrace What Lies Beneath”: “ . . . By the weekend, I felt beside myself. I felt so distraught that I implored, and prayed to ask the heavens “what the . . . did you do to me?” What do I do with all these feelings, like love feelings, hate feelings, joy feelings, frustration feelings, and they were coming up from within my being more than usual . . . The only way was to feel through the feeling, breathe through the feeling, embrace the feeling, become the feeling for the feeling itself . . .
WHAT?
“Feel through the feeling, breathe through the feeling, embrace the feeling, become the feeling for the feel’ . . .” That statement came to my heart of hearts, as if someone higher than myself were speaking with me . . . or, it may have been just me . . talking to me, myself. Well, needless to say, I got so #&8%3# . . . mad . . . so angry at whoever would say such BS. What in heaven, do you mean, “feel the feeling . . . ? All that loss/love I felt of the companion seemly
disappeared in the rage I felt, and directed at whatever gave me that #*!$@! thought. I must’ve been angry for some time, perhaps longer than I anticipated. Maybe, my anger was my way to figure out what the #*#)%) that meant.
Eventually, I angered myself, so tired, to the point I simply gave in to the anger. I said “okay, just one more time? What does all that feeling stuff mean? Look my Higher Being Self, I know you want me to know what you mean, but I still don’t get it, what can I do to serve this so I can finally get what you mean!
Choosing Something to Feel Through
A feeling came over me to choose something I did that I disliked the most, yet had a strong desire to let go of. I’m thinking “a strong desire to let go of . . .hm, “strong desire to let go of” . . .m, over and over, and over”. Whala, “a maid!” I hated dusting! I checked back in to myself, and I said to myself “no”, not quite. Again, I checked within and said “okay, exercise more, I didn’t like which way my belly was going, do Yoga” (I always wanted but never found the time). I did “do” Yoga, and it was a fantastic
experience. So, again I check in, and I felt to myself . . . “no”, not quite. As I go throughout my day, I search again, and “no”, again, and “no”. Eventually, I was blown out of the water (a figure of speech like an epiphany) . . .YES, YES, YES!!! “QUIT SMOKING!” OH . . . MY . . .GOODNESS! I so wanted to quit smoking for so long, and have tried just about any remedy I could possibly imagine! I said to the Heaven in ME, “OKAY, if this is THE ONE, then IT MUST be GONE, FOREVER!” Of course, little ole me wanted to TEST the HEAVENS (like, the heavens are thinking “who do you think you are little girl?").
I also said, “okay. I will give this one a try. The experience to try this was to see how I could relieve myself of the many vast emotions I was going through because of the loss . . . see my previous blog, “. . . To Embrace What Lies Beneath”
“Okay”, let’s do this! . . . WAIT . . . WHAT? What do you mean . . .again? What does this have to do with anything? Quit smoking? WHAT? UM. . . The anger was about to return . . . then I began to feel something in my body. Like, my neck would tense up for the fact that I was about to get really angry again. Then, my shoulder, then my foot became heavy. The thought that I could actually quit smoking cigarettes, forever . . . ? “Nooooo” . . . I said to myself. Okay, do I really want to quit smoking? I thought to myself, these things are not bad, however, my health was getting to be different these days, not to mention, the children coming over to visit. I'd always wash my face and hands a lot of the smoke, as if the smell would disappear behind all the soap.
I had to look deeper into and consider the reasons to quit smoking. As mentioned before, I was ready to hang up the one habit, out of the many habits I could count, why this one? but, 'it felt kind of good enough to give it a whirl', and why not? I had nothing to lose, I was out of options at this point. I was going to continue smoking as long as I wanted to pick up a pack. This story is more about the choices I must make in my own life to become healthier, hence the spiritual awakening process. It seems, we as a collective are searching for healthy outcomes these days. We see it all over the news. So, this was my best choice in the particular moment. Choosing something to test was true challenge, more challenging than I could have expected.
Finding The One!
It hit me, AGAIN . . . “YES, YES, YES . . . MY BODY!!” “My body is telling me something!” I’m now thinking “My neck . . . my shoulder . . .my foot!” “Okay . . .” (Thinking; why am I angry?) My shoulder begins to tense up, it’s now prevalent, more
pronounced. Not realizing it, I was reaching for a cigarette. HA, HA, HA, I laughed, and I said to myself “okay, wow. . . okay” “Maybe if I decided to listen to my body each time I reached for a cigarette, I will take notice.” And something in my heart said, “every time.” And I said again to myself, “wow”, “okay, can I discipline myself enough to notice that each and every time I begin to go for the smoke, I will simply notice it in my body?”, I said again “YUP!”. I love having those small conversations with myself, which I tend to think we all do converse with ourselves in one way or another. “Okay, it was on!” This felt really good, and I knew I could . . . I really wasn’t sure, but . . . and, it would take a lot of practice on my part to stay loyal to the cause . . . and, I would have to treat it like an exercise of the heart? . . . on, and on, and on I go with all the work it would take to get there. I would give it a whirl! . . . anyway.
GONE . . . REALLY?
I tried each and every time to notice the feelings in my body. But, that was extremely challenging at first, because prior, #*%$)$% my angry spell, I never really gave much attention to anything but the craving and to find my pack. By being on purpose to be aware of feelings in the body for example, I would try the feeling check, like think of smoking (shoulder tenses), pick the pack up (feeling check, back tension), tap the pack on my hand (feeling check, hands cold), open the pack (feeling check, etc.), tap the pack to release a stick (feeling check, etc.) . . . and on . . .and on . . . Eventually, I was able to “feeling check” to the point I knew I had a craving while I was still pulling (smoking) on the current one!”
THEN . . . it began to happen . . . I was beginning to lose the taste of the thing I usually tasted, the smell of the thing, the aroma of the thing, the feeling of the first drag thing . . . was leaving. I smoked more to get the feeling to come back, the aroma, the smell, the first drag feeling . . . I went from one (1) to two packs (2) over three months! BUT, just before my “angry” was about to rear its head, the desire was gone!! I was about to let loose a really angry at the heaven because I"M NOW SMOKING MORE! WHAT THE #*$*$^^&@#. Before I could say, or think to say . . . . I didn’t realize I hadn’t had a cigarette in two (2) days!! WHAT? . . .WHAT! WHERE? . . . WHAT? It was GONE! THE HABIT, JUST GONE! NOW . . ."What's Next!"
The “Technique”: Each and every one of those “feeling check(s)”, I began to become aware of stories I was telling myself in them. For instance, one of those feelings was a mere thought of something, really small, I was carrying around daily. I chose to be aware of the feeling in my body, on purpose. The only effort, every time, was to be aware of it, staying with it, on purpose. Like popping bubbles, feelings would come and go, until I found the target, feel through the feeling, allow the feeling to express itself through until, whala, it's gone. As I became more of aware of tiny feelings, other feelings would begin to follow suit and leave me. I couldn't believe how many feelings it took to simply smoke one cigarette, at any given moment.
Awareness On Purpose
Trying something “on purpose”, not unlike choosing a new walk (like pretending to be a movie star we admire on television), like a little girl, I would stand gazing in a long mirror trying a new walk toward myself. The only place I could be was in that very moment, walking toward the mirror. Else, if I were thinking, in that very moment, I’d lose my balance, because this walk was not my normal routine.
The challenging part, that habit entailed many, many, many feelings! So many so that it took me about 90 days to just be with each feeling, on purpose, which I have never really tried before. To that point, I had to find a way to keep forgiving myself for not remembering to be on purpose, with each feeling. That, in and of itself, was the feat!
The RESULT! Each of those feelings I purposely became of aware of . . . dissipated . . . in thin air! For example, anger, we know becomes a large bubble in the inside, then, it
explodes out and on someone, something in the near region. For example, I’d argue with my mate about his dog pooping on my new carpet, and then that feeling would, perhaps, travel to work with me, then I’d probably blame someone for a mistake made on my paperwork, or etc., etc., etc., you know, the list goes on. It can have an outward blowout. However, there's another way of blowing out the feeling without it ever leaving the self.
Feelings . . . Check
In the “feeling check(s)” sense, being aware of the body, the body begins to explain where the feeling is coming from, the thought, the thought is then dismantled by new feelings; then, I become aware of the new feelings in my body again, then the thoughts behind the body feeling start to begin to mend themselves? (of course, this wouldn't work if I chose unawareness)
Seemingly, on their own, but instead of blowing out, the energy seems to dissipate as like steam dissipates through the air, from the body, through the top of the head, and poof, GONE! My body also seemed to get better in those small ways, at least in regards to smoking, in my shoulders, my foot . . . etc., etc., etc. EASED! I really did not have to know all feelings and the thoughts behind them. I only recognized some of them. However, most feelings, I had no idea what thoughts were behind them, just being aware seem to be enough to help them “disappear”. By "being aware”, on purpose, it takes about a millisecond to transcend itself.
I have been smoke-free now for four (4) years, and all because of learning to embrace my feelings through the spiritual awakening process.
A Practice in Being Aware
I do admire all the writers, motivational speakers and like who state that “you should always live in the moment”. I agree, yet I disagree. I believe they are saying something, in their knowledge, to assist me to “live in the moment”. However, I find it is something different . . . it is a practice to be aware, on purpose, whenever I can. The more I practice . . . the new walk . . . the more I notice my balance, the more I walk the new walk, the easier it becomes to being aware the happenings in my joints, legs, arms, shoulders, head, neck, feet, and on, and on. If I am unaware, I can listen to my body on purpose, which tells me the truth . . . all the time.
Today, and every day, I still try to listen to my body, who tells me what I’m thinking. NEXT UP technique; "How Donna rides high, with love and forgiveness of self” through the Spiritual Awakening Process. And, “Spiritual Awakening, What is That?”
Technique Steps
The Last Resort: Be sure this is the last resort (if I would have found something outside myself that may work better, the practice will end automatically) However, if you are one of those folks who are open to trying something different, never know. Try it and see.
Feel Through the Feeling: Practice feeling through the body, aware of small quirks (for example, be aware of tension in the neck, shoulders, etc. when in certain situations. By paying attention, on purpose, on a particular area, taking soft, long, breaths, through, purposefully relax the tension all while being also aware of breathing, helps a great deal. Just breathe. For example; practice with, like someone who regularly ruffles your feathers, let's say a coworker, in-law or whomever, it seems every time this one person comes around, you know, the irritating, or other feeling that doesn't quite feel so good? Well, they are great practice sessions for internal awareness. If you tend to feel tension everywhere, take a long, shallow breath, and choose any one part of the tense area you'd like to work on first, like the neck, arm, etc. It takes one feeling at a time.
Being aware, on purpose, can be done no matter where you are in life. Busy life? That's okay too, sometimes the busier, the better, because there are many feelings that can seem more profound than other occasions. Recall, some feelings are not our own, so the more people around, the more the opportunity of being aware, on purpose, of the internal body goings-ons, at any time. Sometimes, even trying this technique for a millisecond, it seems to be enough to make life a little more enjoyable, and even heavenly. Take it easy, enjoy the moment, on purpose. The most challenging part, for me, was to remember to take a second, or two to be aware on purpose. Each time I remembered the practice, I just did the "be now, check body . . . shoulder is tense, I see then tension in my right shoulder, I breath through the tension in my arm, I relax my arm on purpose. If the same tension returns, repeat awareness practice until complete, tension leaves. (However, other feelings may come up affecting around the same area of the body, if you'd like to keep going, keep going with each and every feeling until, whala, gone forever.
Feeling Check: Each movement toward the pack, movement toward mouth with cig', any movement that involves smoking, be aware of small body feelings and place awareness on a part of the body, feeling/breathing through the tenseness until it dissipates.
Allow the Feeling to Be: If feelings become large (like anger for example), take one very soft, long, deep breath through and with the feeling, allowing the feeling to be (the stronger the feeling, the longer the breath, slowly in, where the out-breath is releasing the feeling, allowing the tension to leave). Any reaction to the feeling, like judgements, thoughts, physical reactions will end the practice, the practice must be restarted on another occasion. I eventually learned to forgive myself for forgetting the on-purpose awareness practice, it felt like a thousand times. The next blog, I will talk about "love and forgiveness of self” through the spiritual awakening process.
Breath Awareness: On purpose, finding time to be aware of breathing can change worlds, the more practice of on purpose breathing awareness, seems to become a great habit to keep around.
Forgive Yourself: If you forget to be aware, forgive yourself and try again next time you have, or think about a smoke. Being in nature as often as possible has also worked for me, where it helped me to remember to be aware on purpose.
Time periods for this exercise depend on each individual. For me, it took about three (3) months, or 90 days. I found it took this long because I kept forgetting the on purpose awareness practice. But, no matter what, I kept trying to remember any chance I could get. I'd say, I may have finally got the gist of the awareness practice around a week prior to being smoke-free.
Although this practice can be like a game of sorts, this was the most challenging "inner- self" exercise I have ever done!
If these "awareness" practice techniques has worked for you as it has for me, I'd really like to hear your story in comment, below. Thank you!
* * *
Subject Matter Books via Amazon.com
Donna shares her experiences of a spiritual awakening, and how she “works it out, through the heart”. Hence the name, The Spiritual Archer, where she offers techniques she uses to ride the waves of the spiritual awakening process. For example, she provides techniques she used “to successfully quit smoking, forever”, to “what it means to live in the moment”, “how to ride high, with love and forgiveness of self” while undergoing the many vast feelings associated with the spiritual awakening experience, and so much more!
Thank you for stopping by, and until next time, Namaste
Donna L. Holloman: The Spiritual Archer
Live. Breathe. Love.
When I speak of spiritual, I’m talking about spir·it·u·al
ˈspiriCH(o͞o)əl/Submit adjective
relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.
(My “religious background” story to come) Google search “Spiritual”
Donna L. Holloman: The Spiritual Archer, see FEATURE BLOG POST: To recap, five (5) years ago, in 2012, Angels, Heaven, or something like it, had a strong desire to assist Donna through a short, but profound spiritual awakening phenomena. The heavens opened up! The thing about this story. . . she wasn’t alone . . . this is all happening while completely sober (no drugs of any kind and/or alcohol). At this time in her life, she was on the last leg of finishing a second Master's Degree, and of course, working full time in an office environment . . . Not familiar with the story of Donna’s spiritual awakening experience? Get acquainted and check out her first Blog to learn more at Donna L. Holloman: The Spiritual Archer, http://thespiritualarcher.com/ press the “Learn More” button.
AMAZON AFFILIATE DISCLOSURE
To make improvements and keep our website ongoing, Donna L. Holloman is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by choosing the above book links to amazon.com.
CONTACT AMAZON.COM OR THE PRODUCT OWNER DIRECTLY IF YOU SHOULD EXPERIENCE ISSUES WITH YOUR ORDER(S)
Go to ABOUT link to learn more.
LIKE Donna's PostiveVortex.com FACEBOOK Page, where she believes one tiny thing can grow into a vortex of feelings, whether positive, negative, and all those in between, to get updates of inspiring quotes, teachers, authors and the like that assist many of us through our spiritual awakening process.
Comments